Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos