I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.