he thought i was a dude.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry