hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted