6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
