So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
