Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
