she was so not down for the gang bang
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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