glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
