i may or may not be watching the land before time
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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