Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
