would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
