And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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