So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
