We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
