So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
