she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
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Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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