Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
