I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
