My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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