dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
