I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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