You just made me feel so damn special
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
