I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
