I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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