I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize