Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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