He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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