If i come over, it means nothing
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
