I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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