The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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