i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
