Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize