I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
