Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
