He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
