The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
