I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize