Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize