Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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