What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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