Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
