You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
