the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
