So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
