oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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