Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Life is so much better after having sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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