So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
