his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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