well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
