new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
