i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
