was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
