So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
