where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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