Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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