no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
