Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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