Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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