my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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