Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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