We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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