we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
this hospital has no fireball
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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