Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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