is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize