You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize