I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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